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S E X 4 W O M E N . C O M Advice Column Question & Answer |
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Subject: Friendship HelpQUESTION: I need some advice or help. I am in my thirties. I lost my virginity a year ago to a good friend of 3 years, tho both of us had feelings for each other. We have had sex several more times. But recently he told me that he regrets sleeping with me. That hurt me because I don't regret losing it to him. Our friendship has gone down since he said it to me. We don't talk as much as in the past. I need to know if there is any books or websites that I can go to help me sort out my feelings for him, our friendship and losing my virginity. It is starting to hurt me because I miss his friendship. Thanks for taking the time to listen to me. REPLY: Hmmm. This is a pretty good example of how sex can mess up a friendship. Of course, only talking to him about it directly would provide the most accurate information, but perhaps his "regret" may reflect feelings on his part that he is struggling with - fear of deeper commitment, a change in the dynamic of the relationship. Not saying it's right; I'm just saying it could be what he is feeling. Oddly, I have a friend who is involved with a woman in exactly this same fashion right now. He thinks they are just friends with benefits; I say they are not on the same page and he's leading her on. Anyway, where does that leave you? I recommend this book frequently, and that's because it is applicable to so many situations - "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. I think that's the direction you should go in. - KT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . [ submit a tip/comment for this question here ] | [ submit a new question here ] User Submitted Tips/Comments: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |
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